


Kimi Ga Iru Sekai (The World You're In)

by aegicheezu



Category: GacktJOB, Jrock, Malice Mizer
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 23:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13647117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: Kami is struggling with Malice Mizer after Tetsu's departure, and the band is under pressure to find a new vocalist. One day after rehearsals, Kami wanders into a bar on Open Mic night - and meets Gackt; a musician with the voice of an angel. He doesn't know it yet, but Kami has just fallen in love. Can Gackt impress Mana and the others enough to join the band?





	Kimi Ga Iru Sekai (The World You're In)

**Author's Note:**

> I have spent ages and ages analyzing and reviewing translations of Gackt’s songs, and I can’t get their relationship out of my mind. His requiem for Kami, Emu For My Dear, is the clearest evidence of all to me that they were in love and that he is still broken about Kami’s death. So many of his songs (a vast majority, I’ve discovered) are about missing, reuniting with, or simply remembering a long-lost lover; and of course, when he sings Emu For My Dear, our poor Gacchan cries on stage. I have loved Gackt since I first heard his voice in 2002, and I can’t get this pairing out of my head.  
> This fic stops short of Kami's untimely death, so don't worry. There's a happy ending!

“See you,” Ukyō called softly to the other members as he shut the studio door behind him, sighing. It had been another long day of rehearsals, and the band had been arguing – rather fruitlessly – about what to do about their vacant vocalist spot. He was eager to get home and unwind after a rough day of rehearsing. _I could use a drink first, though,_ he thought. He spent a few minutes in the nearby washroom combing through his long hair; splashing water on his face, he left. He liked how the water made his eyeliner smudge just a little.

*

The evening air was soft and warm, relaxing him as he made his way through the crowds of people just as eager as he was to find a place to sit and drink for a while. At last, he came across a small bar on the corner of a not-so-crowded street; it had begun to rain, making the neon sign reflect on the shining black pavement. He smiled. There was a notice for once-weekly open mic nights; Ukyō’s smiled widened a little. _Those were the days,_ he thought. _Before we made it big._ He scanned the street again. _Why not this one?_ He walked in and quickly found a seat; ordering his favourite beer, he sat back and observed. People-watching was a favourite pastime of his – he enjoyed making up interesting stories about strangers. His attention was drawn to the small stage the bar had set up for the few brave souls who wanted to try their luck at being musicians; he noticed a young man, quite pretty, who seemed a little nervous. He was hovering near the stage, as if trying to prepare himself for ascending it. Around his neck was a guitar; he held on to it as though letting go would be the death of him. _How sweet,_ Ukyō thought. _Look how nervous you are! Don’t worry,_ he found himself thinking, _you’ll do just fine._

The act that went on before this nervous young man – what seemed like a couple duo, comedians – was not very good at all, and left the audience rather deflated. _It will be easier for that guy to impress the rest of us now,_ Ukyō mused. _That’s lucky._ He fixed his attention onto the man, looking closely as he sipped his second beer. Watching as he meekly stepped up to the microphone, Ukyō found himself craning his neck a little to make sure he could hear him better.

“My name is Camui Gakuto,” he said, eyes blinking into the spotlight, getting used to its brightness. “I’ve prepared some original music,” he bowed slightly. “Please take care of me!”

 _That deep voice of his doesn’t fit his slim body at all,_ Ukyō remarked, eyes still fixed on the young man. _I wonder what his singing is like…_ Ukyō didn’t have long to wonder; Gackt started to strum his guitar and within moments, he began to sing. As soon as the first notes of the young man’s voice hit his ears, Ukyō’s mouth fell open.

_Is it okay to love you? In the trembling night,_   
_It's good as it is… more… you…_   
_As these almost maddeningly familiar hips melt together,_   
_You are my keeper…_

As he sang and played, Gackt seemed to fix his gaze on one point in the room – _is he looking at me?_ Ukyō wondered. _No, that’s impossible, he probably can’t see a thing from up there_ – and when he was at last finished his first song, he bowed deeply as the patrons began to applaud.

“I have one more song for you tonight… please enjoy it!” Gackt wiped his forehead gracelessly, making Ukyō laugh. He ordered another beer and watched the young man, wheels turning in his head.

*

Gackt’s set was done; Ukyō scanned the milling crowd of patrons for the young man, hoping to find him and introduce himself. He very nearly gave up and was ready to head home when he at last saw the young man from the corner of his eye. He made his way over to him – he was standing at the bar waiting for a beer – and gently touched his shoulder. Gackt was startled, and turned around quickly.

“Sorry to have scared you,” Ukyō said, bowing slightly. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” Gackt replied, smiling and running a hand through his hair. “Can I help you?” He quickly looked the other man up and down, assessing him. _I wonder,_ Ukyō thought, _he doesn’t know who I am…_

“My name is Kamimura Ukyō,” he replied, bowing slightly. “I just wanted to congratulate you on your set tonight,” he continued. “You have an incredible voice.”

Gackt’s eyes turned downcast, embarrassed at the praise, but smiling. “Thank you,” he said. “I had fun.”

“I wonder, Camui-san,” he took a sip from his beer, now grown warm. “If you wouldn’t mind coming to my studio for a recording? Your voice is so unique.”

“What, really?” Gackt looked surprised. “You’re a producer?” His eyes grew wide.

“No, no,” Ukyō laughed. “I’m a musician. A drummer – I’m in a band, maybe you’ve heard of us. Are you free some time this week to come by and record something?”

Gackt nodded furiously, excited. “Of course!”

“Can I buy you a drink, Camui-san?” Ukyō smiled genuinely.

“Please, call me Gakuto, Kamimura-san!” he corrected, “Camui isn’t my real name anyway, it’s a stage thing I’ve been trying out.”

“Ah,” Ukyō grinned. “It’s clever, your stage name,” _the God of Music, huh? Such big ambitions._ “In that case, please call me Ukyō from now on.” Gackt pulled the seat next to his and invited the other man to sit. The men chatted and drank together until the bar closed; they exchanged phone numbers, and parted ways into the early hours of the morning light.

*

Gackt flopped himself onto his bed, exhausted from the events of the evening. The adrenaline from his first performance had long since worn off; all he wanted to do now was sleep. Still, the smiling figure of the man he’d met that evening lingered behind his closed eyes, tired and heavy. He sighed into his pillow, and drifted off to sleep.

*

The ringing phone startled Ukyō awake – he had arrived back at his apartment after 3am, having spent most of the previous evening with Gackt. Though he hadn’t drunk enough to have a hangover, his head pounded from having been woken up so roughly by the phone. He rolled out of bed and padded over to the hallway to answer it.

“Hello?” He asked, unable to mask his annoyance at being woken up. He looked over at the small clock on the wall – 9am.

“Ukyō, can you come to the studio? We’re having a meeting. We tried to reach you last night after rehearsal but you must have been out all night.” It was Mana, his voice soft, but urgent.

“Yeah, I was out,” Ukyō confirmed. “Didn’t get in until a couple hours ago actually.”

Mana laughed on the other end of the line. “I’ll have coffee ready for you when you get here. Just make your way, okay? Közi’s called a meeting about finding a new singer.”

“A new singer?” he repeated. _How lucky_! “I think I may be able to help with that, actually.”

“What, really?” Mana asked, confused. “Alright, just come in.”

“I will, I will. Just let me wake up properly. Be there soon.”

“See you.”

“See you.”

 _How interesting,_ Ukyō thought. Standing in the hallway, phone receiver still balanced between his ear and shoulder, he dialed another number.

*

“I wish you’d tell me more about what’s going on,” Gackt whispered to the older man. The cab ride to the studio was a short one, but he still had questions. “You called me so early in the morning, I thought something bad had happened.”

Ukyō laughed. “I want to surprise you.” _He’s kind of cute,_ he thought. He noticed Gackt pouting a little, and at last gave in. “My band is looking for a vocalist, and we’re on our way to a meeting about that right now. It’s good timing, isn’t it?”

Gackt was so surprised, all he could do was laugh. “Don’t you think this is all too fast?” He wiped his eyes and looked good-naturedly at Ukyō. “We’ve only just met! And you’re putting me in the running to front your band?” he shook his head, and looked out the window at the cityscape going by. “You don’t even know me.”

Ukyō ran a hand through his hair and paused, as though considering the ridiculousness of it all. “Your voice is incredible,” he said at last. “From the moment you opened your mouth last night, I knew you were different.” He nudged the younger man. “That’s all I need to know.”

Gackt looked at the other man. Something in his expression changed; but before he could apologize for the intrusion, Ukyō noticed the cab slowing down. “We’re here,” he said. Paying the driver, the men got out of the cab and walked into the studio.

“You never did tell me the name of your band,” Gackt said, as the elevator let them out onto their floor. Ukyō opened the door and let Gackt through first, guiding him with his hand on the small of his back.

Ukyō opened the door to a meeting room. The other members, dressed in comfortable clothes, were seemingly in the middle of an argument. When the door opened, they quieted down. “We’re Malice Mizer,” he said at last, grinning. “Maybe you’ve heard of us?” The other members stared at Ukyō and Gackt blankly, unaware of Ukyō’s game; Gackt’s eyes widened and he brought a hand to his mouth, surprised.

“Why didn’t you say?!” Gackt exclaimed, laughter in his voice. He playfully whacked Ukyō’s shoulder, to the older man’s surprise. “I had no idea who you were last night! You sneaky bastard!” Ukyō erupted into laughter, clutching his stomach. Realizing how bluntly he was speaking, Gackt’s face went pink. He bowed comically low towards the other members and apologized for his rudeness. They laughed.

“Ukyō, what have you done now? Tricking him wasn’t nice.” Mana stood up and patted Gackt’s arm. “I’m Mana,” he introduced himself. “You’ve never seen us without makeup, it’s only natural you had no idea who he was.”

“Ukyō, that was a mean trick,” Gackt smiled. “I really had no idea.”

“Anyway!” one of the other members piped up. “Why did you bring in this guy, Kami?”

“That’s Közi,” Ukyō explained. “He’s kind of blunt, but he doesn’t bite.” He looked at the others. “This is Gackt. I heard him singing at the bar I went to last night. He’s incredible,” he looked back at the younger man, a softness in his eyes. “I want you to hear him sing.”

The members shot each other a knowing look. At last, Mana said, “Alright, Kami. Get him set up.” Then, looking at Gackt, he asked, “Do you have a song ready?”

“Ukyō brought me here without explaining anything,” his voice suddenly small. “I could sing one of my songs from last night.”

“Perfect,” Ukyō said, resting a hand on Gackt’s back, supportively. “I’ll get you set up.”

*

The other members watched behind the glass of the recording booth. Gackt couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he tried to watch their expressions as he set himself up. He borrowed a guitar and began to tune it.

“Just relax,” Ukyō said, keeping a hand on Gackt’s shoulder. “They’re only trying to be scary to see if you’re intimidated by them or not.”

“Why?” Gackt was focused on the guitar, not looking at the other man.

“Mana sometimes feels like we’re cursed. It’s a long story. So they’re very serious about who we include in the group, you know?”

Gackt nodded. “I guess so,” he said. “I’ll do my best.”

“Just keep your eyes fixed on me,” Ukyō said, smiling. “I’ll be there too, watching. Don’t look at them. Just sing like you did last night.”

“Alright,” Gackt looked at him at last, and smiled. “I’ll only look at you.”

When he said that, Ukyō felt a warmth spread in his chest. _He’s so cute._ “Good luck!” he said at last, and left Gackt to join the other members.

Once alone in the recording booth, Gackt took a moment to reflect on things. _All of a sudden, I’m singing for Malice Mizer? I was just playing in bars yesterday. How lucky… okay, Gackt, don’t mess this up._ He looked at Ukyō, and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips. _I don’t want to disappoint you… I’ll do my best._

_I love you  
_ _Because you give me all you have  
_ _All, enough to destroy me  
_ _I love you  
_ _Wet bodies tangled together  
_ _All, enough to drive me mad  
_ _I give you pleasure  
_ _You could never attain again…_

 As he finished, he tried to get a read on the members – _their expressions are so difficult to understand! What are they thinking?_ Ukyō was staring at him, a hand over his mouth. _At least he thinks I did a good job,_ he thought. _That's enough for me._

Gackt waited expectantly in the booth while the men deliberated. Ukyō gestured widely and seemed very passionate about whatever it was that he was saying; at last, Mana motioned for Gackt to come out and join them.

“Gackt,” Mana began, leg crossed and leaning back on his chair, a slight smile across his lips, “you have such a beautiful voice.”

“Thank you.” he replied, bowing slightly. He met Ukyō’s gaze. _I wish I knew what they were thinking… can’t you tell me with your eyes?_ Almost as though they shared a telepathic connection, Ukyō’s expression changed – it seemed to say, _“you’ve done so well.”_ Gackt searched the older man’s eyes. _But maybe I’m just imagining that,_ he thought.

“We’ve decided to take you on, if you’ll have us.” Mana continued, his expression not giving anything away. “I’m sure Kami has explained to you that we’re in need of a vocalist, and you seem to have fallen from heaven right into his lap,” he looked over at Ukyō knowingly. “How fortunate for us all.”

“Thank you!” Gackt bowed deeply, his heart beginning to race. “I won’t let you down!”

Ukyō smiled.

*

“Ugh!” Gackt hang his head over the edge of the bed, phone cradled between his shoulder and ear. “It’s been three months, why doesn’t Közi like me?” he heard the familiar sound of Ukyō’s gentle laughter across the line.

“Gacchan, come on now. I’m sure it’s in your head.”

“It’s not!” Gackt pouted. “Since the start, he hasn’t liked me. It’s taken ages, but at least Mana smiles at me these days. Yu~ki still ignores me, it’s like he refuses to acknowledge Tetsu is gone. I’ve given up on trying to be his friend. You’re the only one that really sees me, Ukyō.”

Ukyō sighed, but a small smile found its way to his lips. _Perhaps that’s true… it’s been hard for you._ “Do you want me to come over? You sound upset, Gacchan. I don’t like it when you’re upset.”

“Please.” Gackt pouted. “Today was hard. Mana vetoed the song I wrote, so I’m in a bad mood.”

“Alright. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.”

*

Empty cans of beer lay strewn around the coffee table and floor; Gackt and Ukyō ended up sleeping on each other on Gackt’s expansive couch.

Awoken by the younger man shifting slightly, Ukyō’s eyes fluttered awake. He looked down at the younger man sleeping on his lap, and smiled. He unthinkingly began to stroke Gackt’s silky brown hair. After a while, Gackt woke up. “Ah, Ukyō… you’re still here…”

“Course I am, silly. Though,” he glanced at the small digital clock on the oven, “I should probably go.”

Gackt, still resting in his lap, gently tugged on Ukyō’s shirt. “Stay…” he said sleepily.

“Alright. Let’s go to bed,” Ukyō smiled. “Come on.” He propped Gackt up and they walked together to Gackt’s bedroom, Gackt holding on childishly to the other man’s shirt.

“G’night, Ukyō.” Gackt said, sleepily.

“Gacchan,” he replied, patting the other’s head. “Let me tell you something.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re the only one in the band I will ever let call me by my name. Did you know that?”

“No,” Gackt thought for a moment. “But it’s true, isn’t it? I never heard anyone else call you that.”

“Do you know why?” He smiled.

“No, why?”

“Because,” he rested his head against Gackt’s chest. “You’re special. No matter what any of the others say or think, you’re special.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Gackt thought a moment, then brought his hand up to rest and play with Ukyō’s long hair. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For telling me that.”

*

As time went by, Gackt came to increasingly rely on Ukyō – for comfort, for creative inspiration, for a shoulder to cry on. Try as he might, Gackt didn’t seem to fit in well enough with the other members. After a particularly hard day of rehearsals, Gackt had stormed off to cool his head. He slammed the studio door and slumped against it, deflated – leaving Ukyō stunned, and worried for the younger man.

“You shouldn’t have said those things, Mana,” he cautioned. “Why are you so intent on pushing him away like this? He’s trying his best. All he wants is to fit in and please you.”

“He’s just  young, spoiled brat,” Mana replied, casually lighting a cigarette. Angry with how flippant Mana was acting, Ukyō swatted the cigarette from Mana’s lips. “Hey!”

“When are you going to realize that he is the reason we’re doing as well as we are?” Ukyō shot back. “We’re selling out venues faster than ever before. We’re booking talk shows. The fans love him. Why can’t you?”

Mana looked at the other man, stunned at his sudden outburst. He chose his next words carefully. “Maybe it’s you that loves him so,” he picked up the cigarette off the floor and placed it back in his mouth, lighting it. Exhaling, he continued, “he’s got a great voice, you’re right. But maybe it’s you that needs to think about why you’re always defending him to us.”

Ukyō’s heart stopped. _How dare he?_ He felt the anger rise in his throat. “You watch what you say, Mana,” he cautioned, his tone like ice. “Remember that it was me who found him, and it’s me that will leave if you do anything to that boy. Leave him alone.” He gathered his and Gackt’s jackets and stormed out, nearly falling over Gackt who was still sitting on the floor of the hallway, sulking.

“Did you hear all of that?” Ukyō asked, breathless.

Gackt nodded his head. “I’m sorry.” He brought his hands to his face, hiding from the older man. “I’m sorry.”

Ukyō knelt next to Gackt and gently pried his hands away from his face. “Don’t be sorry. Let’s go get something to eat, okay?”

“Okay.”

*

**3.07am, Gackt’s apartment**

The evening had passed easily; Gackt took Ukyō to his favourite noodle bar and they stayed until closing – the bartender happy to keep the drinks coming, and the other patrons oblivious to who they were, without their makeup and outfits. Ukyō had walked Gackt back to his place before getting into a cab to go home to his own apartment; now, lying in bed and unable to sleep, Gackt recalled their last conversation before Ukyō disappeared into the taxi.

_“Don’t worry about Mana and the others.”_

_“How can I not? We’re a team… and we’re not working well. It's my fault.”_

_“But it isn’t your fault, Gacchan.”_

_“Still… all I want to do is make them happy. I feel like I have to prove myself constantly, every single day I practice with them, every performance we do, it never feels like I’ve done enough…”_

_Uky_ _ō drew the other man in for a hug. “I know it’s hard, Gacchan,” he cooed into Gackt’s ear. “but you’re strong, aren’t you? Be strong, for me. Things will get better.”_

_“Alright,” Gackt tried to smile as they broke apart. “If it’s for you, I’ll be strong.”_

_“Good,” Uky_ _ō said. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Now get up there and go to sleep.”_

_“Alright,” Gackt said again. “Get home safely.”_

_Uky_ _ō rested a reassuring hand on Gackt’s shoulder. “I will.”_

Gackt wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. _He’s always been so kind to me… I wonder… is there any truth to what Mana said to him earlier? That he loves me?_ He shook his head and turned onto his side, pulling the duvet up close to his face.

“Ahhh…” he tossed and turned. “What do I do?” He tore the duvet away from his face after a moment and it slipped of the edge of the bed. “I can’t like him, can I?” then, after another pause, he whispered, “shit.”

*

**4.42am, Uky** **ō’s apartment**

It was quiet; he wasn’t quite ready to crawl into the cold bed and try to sleep, so he cracked open another beer and sat back on his sofa. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking back on the day. _I shouldn’t have gone off on Mana like that,_ he reprimanded himself. _I’ll have to apologize tomorrow…_ _But I can’t stand it when he tears into Gacchan like that… sometimes he goes too far and I just…_ he sighed, and reached for a cigarette.

He remembered how hurt Gackt had been when he’d gone out into the hall; he’d heard everything that was said, after all. _Who does Mana think he is, accusing me of being in love with him in the first place? That was low… I just care about him, that’s all. Why is that his business anyway? I’m protective of him because this is his first real gig. And he’s young… well, younger than I am, anyway. And he’s so cute… I’d die if I was the reason he stopped smiling._ Ukyō recalled Gackt’s face when they’d parted ways earlier, and felt a warmth in his chest.

After a moment, he smirked and shook his head. “Shit.” He whispered. He put out his half-smoked cigarette.

*

Months passed; relations between Gackt and the rest of the members seemed to get slightly better; Mana was civil, at least, Közi stopped pretending he was invisible, and Yu~ki even opened the door for him once or twice. Still, Gackt relied on Ukyō for comfort and friendship – though, something in the air was different between the two, though neither would acknowledge it. Until one evening in the summer, when Gackt decided it was time for him to at last tell the older man how he really felt.

The day had gone much the same as they always did; rehearsals followed by songwriting, a meeting with their manager – nothing terribly exciting. Why Gackt had chosen that day of all days was foreign even to him, until he remembered that it was on a summer day that same month, a year ago, that Gackt and Ukyō had met for the first time. Though he could not recall the exact day, he hoped that the warm summer night might stir some remembrance within the other man.

“Let’s get dinner,” Gackt said as casually as he could, resting a hand on the small of Ukyō’s back as they left the studio. “You must be hungry. I didn’t see you eat breakfast today.”

Ukyō smiled and turned to Gackt. “You’re observant,” he laughed. “Let’s get some food. I’m starving!” He playfully linked arms with the younger man and pulled him towards a nearby sweet shop.

“Ukyō,” Gackt reprimanded, “I meant real food, not sugary stuff!”

“Come on, buy me something sweet.” He pouted jokingly. _Oh,_ Gackt thought, his heart stopping for a moment. _He is so cute like this…_

They ended up buying a chocolate dorayaki each, and boxes of strawberry Pocky – “you’re such a child!” Ukyō had laughed. “You’re the one that wanted to come in here!” Gackt replied, slapping his shoulder. They continued to walk, arms linked. After a while though, the weight of Gackt’s heart made him sensitive, and he slipped his arm from the other man’s.

“What’s wrong?” Ukyō asked when he noticed Gackt’s arm was no longer entwined with his.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” he replied, unconvincingly. “Where do you want to eat?”

“Gacchan, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I promise. I’m just hungry.” He smiled up at Ukyō. “Come on, you pick the restaurant today.”

“Hmm, alright,” he replied, unconvinced that Gackt was telling the truth, but not wanting to push things. He scanned the street for somewhere good to eat, his eyes settling on a small French restaurant. “Let’s try that place, what do you think?” He asked, motioning with his chin.

“Sounds good,” Gackt replied. _It looks small enough,_ he thought. _Not a lot of people. We’ll have privacy. That’s good._

They were seated towards the back, away from the draft the opening and closing door would cause. As they waited for their food to arrive, Gackt’s leg began to bounce under the table. Again, Ukyō asked what was wrong.

“Your leg bounces when you’re nervous, Gacchan,” he said softly. “Did something happen, with you and the others?”

Before Gackt could reply, their food arrived; for the moment, Ukyō’s question was forgotten, and they ate happily in a comfortable silence for a while, occasionally giving each other tastes of their own dishes and commenting on how good everything was. Once their plates had been cleared, Gackt’s bouncing leg returned.

“Gacchan,” Ukyō theatrically waved his fork and pointed at him, “what’s wrong? Your leg is doing that thing again.”

Gackt sighed. “Ukyō,” he began, cursing his nervous tick. “How long have we known each other?”

The older man thought a moment. “About a year, I suppose. Yes, a year. Time flies, doesn’t it?” he smiled genuinely.

“Ukyō,” Gackt said again, staring almost past the other man, too afraid to look him in the eye. “In all that time, all the nights we’ve spent together, the fights you’ve saved me from, the endless phone conversations…” he managed a smile. “In all that time, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than when I’ve shared a meal with you, just like this.”

Ukyō smiled, and shook his head. “You’ve always been so sentimental, Gacchan.”

“I mean it… you plucked me up from out of nowhere and brought me into a whole new life. We’ve traveled, we’ve performed to thousands… it’s always been my dream, and you’ve given it to me. Among so much else…”

“Oh?” Ukyō questioned softly, tapping the fork gently on his lips.

“Ukyō, you’ve grown to be so special to me…” He rested his thigh against Ukyō’s under the table; the other man did not flinch at the sudden contact. “I think,” Gackt’s voice grew quiet. “I think I have started to see you in a different way... not as a friend or band-mate, but… as a man…” He paused, not daring to meet the other’s gaze. “And I don’t know what to do.”

Ukyō gently put the fork down onto the table, his eyes softening. He glanced around to see if they were being watched; when he was content that they were being quite ignored, he rested a hand on Gackt’s arm. At the touch of the older man, Gackt at last looked up. Ukyō smiled, but said nothing.

“Ukyō…” Gackt brought a hand to his face, trying to hide his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that…”

“Gacchan,” he interrupted gently. “Do you want to go somewhere private? To talk?”

Wordlessly, Gackt nodded. Ukyō, not wanting to wait around for the bill, scanned the menu to calculate the price of their meals, and left cash on the table. He took Gackt’s arm and they left the café, leaving their waitress confused.

The whole cab ride to Gackt’s apartment, the men did not speak. Ukyō’s head swam. _What do I do with this, now? How do I feel about him? If I reject him, he’ll leave us… and I’ll be alone again. Mana will never let me forget this, it will be my fault… I can’t hurt him. I do like him, but… will it be alright? The two of us… in this world? Is it really okay… to love like this?_ He took Gackt’s hand in his and squeezed reassuringly. He paid the taxi driver and they wordlessly ascended the steps to Gackt’s apartment.

“Do you want a drink?” Gackt asked, weakly. He turned towards the kitchen, but Ukyō grabbed his wrist and tugged at him. Gackt spun around, and Ukyō enveloped him in a warm embrace. Holding onto the younger man tightly, Ukyō whispered into Gackt’s ear. “Everything is alright.”

“Ukyō?” Gackt questioned, confused.

“I see you differently… too.” Ukyō’s eyes softened, and he felt suddenly bold. He pressed a kiss to Gackt’s forehead. “Gacchan?”

Gackt smiled. “You’re not pranking me, are you?” He nestled his head into the other man’s neck. “I’m not dreaming this, am I?”

“No…” Ukyō replied, sighing happily. “I think I’ve felt this way for a long time.” He took Gackt’s face in his hands and brought their lips together.

"Ukyō... I..." Gackt whispered against the other man's lips. 

"So do I," he replied, smiling. He kissed Gackt again. "Since the start."

"Don't ever leave me..." Gackt pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"I never will." 

 

Another kiss.


End file.
